Final: Be a You-niverse

Ya can't spell "language" without the U! (YOU)

One of the main things to take away from this interpersonal course is that YOU as an individual, are the one who defines your reality, your space, your unique YOUniverse. Many things such as perceptions, emotions and identity scripts are within your control. Even if before taking this class, you believed these aspects of yourself and others were "the way they were born" or "that's just how I am"--now you have been empowered by understanding: This 'me' is just one way I can be, if I like being that way, and if I don't or if I am dissastisfied, I can be a different me! The tool for growth is , as Wood reminds us: language--it can limit us or propel us forward with progress and growth! Are you limiting yourself with language? Expand you vocabulary and expand your YOU niverse! For this portion of your final (20points) Identify 2 terms, (make sure no one else has used the same ones or I won't count your entry) pronouns or other words or short sayings that you use about yourself, either inwardly during negative self-talk or out loud in relationship-level communication that limit your growth or the growth of someone important to you--Language which you could improve. State the term or phrase and then provide and example of replacement language that will elevate you to be the YOU you aspire to be, expand yourself to become the 'self-actualized' YOU who uses powerful 'I' language, does not avoid conflict, listens with your heart and is mindful! Namaste!

My example: One thing is would like to change is my language when I get frustrated. I say "come on you piece of garbage" kind of under my breath when something falls or I drop something if I am in a hurry or can't get my keys in the lock fast enough. Know what I mean? This is a very negative phrase and it implies that inatimate objects are "letting me down" which is very egotistical. Random "inefficiency" has nothing to do with me, in fact, efficiency is my own perception, not every single thing in life is intended to be "efficient"--blooming flowers take a long time! So-I want to slow down, be more mindful and learn to let things go when they don't happen my way, acknowledge that I am not in control of anthing but myself and instead say "that's ok" which is a better response to teach my daughter too!

Summer's COMING!!!!!!

Wow--Presentations have been so great--I enjoy every day of class with you guys--you're alot of fun! Smart students too! So Chapter 11 tells us of 6 kinds of "love styles" Storge, Agape, Eros, Mania, Ludus, Pragma..."People differ in how they express and experience love (Lee 1973 in Wood p. 298). So, if the primary styles are limited to

1. Eros: Passionate love with great chemistry, and

2. Storge, which is a comfortable and stable love grounded in friendship....and

3. Ludus, or playful, uncommitted love....

Pick one of the those 3 primary stles and talk about it with us...either guess your own or your current or past partner's style, or analyze the style of some one you are close to, or give a celebrity or politician example---basically name a style and some one who seems to exude that style...how did/can/will it effect you? Styles of love are beyond judgement, neither good or bad--what matters isn't one's style but one's compatability with another, the combination of styles, needs and overall satisfaction in a romantic relationship!

Friends...and then some...

Hi Everyone! We turn from friendship to romantic relationships this week and the Wood text makes alot of comparisions between the two, they do share many stages and dialectical tensions...however, once a friendship becomes romantic, it rarely can return to "just friendship"--Why do you think is?

Tolle states, "Unless and until you access the consciousness of being "present"-intimate relationships will be flawed...True love is beyond the 'romantic' relationship...the reason romantic level love relationships are intense and sought after is partially because they promise delivery from fear, need, and other incomplete feelings which we can choose to work on within ourselves instead of looking for them in someone else" (paraphrased from The Power of Now, p. 140-150). What does this mean to you? Can you share an example that connects with these ideas? Keep it rated G for your old, stodgy teacher! Haha--Smiles--Sandra

FRIENDS

"You just call - out my name - and you know wherever I am...I'll come runnin', to see you again..."

Like the old James Taylor tune says, friendship means the world...and Chapter 10 spends some time on long distance friendships, noting that " Friendships that survive distance involve frequent emails, phone calls, letters and visits" (Wood 283). Can you give us a brief glimpse into a long distance relationship you either still have or had at one time. What was the communication like? Why did it survive the distance? Or why not? were you "friends of the heart" or "friends of the road" according to Wood? Everybody sing!:

"Winter, spring, summer or fall.....all you have to do is call, and I'll be there.....you"ve got a friend!"

Extra Credit Spring Break Bunny Blog

Hi! Ok--You want exra credit? Connect any aspect of bunnies, rabbits, chicks or eggs to one key concept from interpersonal communication, such as mindfulness, proxemics, non-verbal communication, culture, I-it, I-You, I-Thou (Buber)....ummmm.....attachment styles....schemata........You get the idea--Happy Spring, hope you're having a good time! S

Quiz Chapter 8

As you know, this week's quiz on chapter 8 is here and due Wed by midnight. Please write a 2 page research oriented analysis of simultaneously sustaining communication climatic interludes.

APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!!!

Hahaha!!!!!! There is no quiz--go have fun for Spring Break--Try to read a bit of chapter 9 and 10 as those are the chapters that we will cover the week after break--for this extra credit blog--post some fun plans you have for break (or crappy work plans) and connect them to the novelty/predictability dialectic from Chapter 8-- meaning we don't like too much predictability or we get bored...we need some unplanned good times BUT... too much novelty/excitement/lack of structure can be stressful and draining...where do your plans fit on this continuum? Do your friends/significant others share your balance between the two extremes? --Have fun and please be safe! Smiles--S

Emotions

Chapter 7 deals with the mystery and the power as well as the risks of unchecked emotions and the importance of them in interpersonal scenarios. Choose a vocabulary word or key term you find interesting from chpt 7 and explain it in your own words. Read the previous entries to avoid choosing the same term as someone else.

Mindful is a MIND-FULL!

"When in stillness, one listens with the heart. The ear is worth ten eyes."
-- Zen Master Dae Gak, "The Practice of Listening" (Active EQ, 2004)

Hi Gang--Great job in class today, I really enjoyed the humor discussion--you guys have thoughtful input! For this weeks blog--we are focused on mindful listening, the ancient symbol in your book from Chinese for listening includes symbols for the eyes, the ears, the mind and the heart! Isn't that a beautiful combination? Who do you know that is a mindful listener? What do they do that makes you feel genuinely "heard?" If you speak a language other than English, how do you say "listen?" What does it mean in your culture to invest in heartfelt listening? Smiles--Sandra

"Eyes ALL speak the same language!

Has anyone ever told you something but conveyed through body language: It was a lie?! Did you know we believe non-verbal communication much more than the words that are spoken to us! A big difference between verbal and non-verbal communication is that verbal communication can "stop"--a speaker can be quiet and the message gets interupted...Non-verbal is 24-7--always conveying meaning, It's like the 7-11 of Interpersonal Communication! Review the 9 types of non-verbal category and select one-they include PROXEMICS-KINESICS--HAPTICS--PHYSICAL APPEARANCE--ARTIFACTS--ENVIRONMENT--CHRONEMICS--PARALANGUAGE--SILENCE (See Chpt 5)--Then give us an example in your world of one of these non-verbal types and the particular meaning it conveys to you and for you...use cultural, gender, and other individual aspects that affect this meaning...

FOR EXAMPLE: I'll Take 'Chronemics'--Meaning conveyed by time--my husband and I read time as having some different non-verbal meanings...I think it is insightful that when I discuss time, I say things like: We're running late OR we need to leave in 10 minutes--Steve says things such as "We should get going OR "Are you ready?" Metaphors we use surrounding time affect our relationship to it--in my symbolism, I convey a "race" against time...whereas Steve indicates that he is separate from TIME and may or may not choose to keep up with it--when we try to leave for a trip, as opposed to make a specific appointment, a set departure time is not a big deal to him, whereas I insist on it--Our relationship has alot to do with negotiating the relational meaning about our treatment of time--We have some good laughs about it as we get to know each other better, but it can be a cause of arguments too!

YOUR TURN!

A good website for Feng Shui can be found at http://fengshui.about.com/
and you can research non-verbal touch at http://imsc.usc.edu/haptics/

UPDATE: I turned off the word verification--FYI

Hi Gang--If you keep getting stuck on word verification loading and haven't been able to post, I just turned it off so try again and let me know if you can post ok now, email me at idnasss@yahoo.com with further questions. Did you watch the oscars? What did you think? For extra credit type you response below and connect it to our class in some way--Smiles--Sandra

Perceptions: Reality or Fiction...Chpt 3

Hi Gang! Hope you had a nice long weekend! This week we examine our perceptions, experiences shaped by the 5 senses: Hearing, seeing, tasting, smell and touch--Consider a statement such as: I know it happened: I saw it with my own eyes! Sounds convincing, right? But what if the one-who-saw-it was not sober? What if the witness was color-blind? What if the person watching was prejudiced against the type of person they claim to have seen do something?

For this blog, give us an example (personal or an experience of a character in a book or movie) of a time someone thought they were certain about something, I mean really sure things were one way, only to discover later that there was more to the story, things weren't quite as they originally seemed...According to Wood on p. 78, we explain our perceptions in ways that make sense to us--TO US...there's the ego and our "self" making it about us...we construct explanations for what others do...fill in the blanks with our own sets of ideas, thoughts and experiences...please apply this concept of interpretation to your example. Adios amigos! --S

Self, Ego and "I Want MORE!!!"

Moving from chpt 2 to chpt 3 in your textbook: In The New Earth, Tolle reminds us that the ego, which plays a major roll in shaping our self image --wants us to want--that is to say--The ego of our mind encourages us to feel disastisfied or want more than we have. You can see how this was important for species evolution or development: it sounds motivating, right? A drive to do better, improve yourself--that's gotta be good! But what about when it leads to unhappiness and even violence--Today--it is so easy to get so stuck in wanting we forget to ever be satisfied with what we have right now--or accept who we are without "stuff"--Wanting keeps you living in the future, when your goal should be presence, or living in the "Now." The ego equates 'wanting' with 'being' says Tolle on p. 45 of his book. What about you, have you ever longed for something, wanted it and wished for it, looked forward to it, and when you finally got it, well--it was not as satisfying as you'd dreamed, or you immediately turned to a new "want?" Our identitity, or as Wood calls it "our created self" shouldn't rely on things we have.

For this blog give us a personal example: It's ok to be humorous, humor helps break down barriers and get to know who we really are, without our "stuff!" Tell us about a time you got something you wanted and just ended up wanting more or something else or ended up disappointed. This could be a gift, clothes, technology, a relationship--whatever. Are you ready now to see eyond the "stuff" in your life?

Blog 2: What the B*&&#?

Have you seen the film "What the bleep do we know?" It is really different, but it basically explores notions of quantum physics, or the science of 'the very small'--what's interesting is that this newer consideration of our scientific universe insists that there are multiple possibilities for your life experience and you choose the one you'll have--a fancy way to say: You choose your own destiny! As we explore chapter 2 and explore ideas about the self (intra- personal communication) check out the website or the actual movie (I don't know if there is anything on you-tube?) but here is the movie site: http://www.whatthebleep.com/ - you can watch the film and use it when you write your first paper as a reference, watch it and write a journal entry for extra credit--for this blog, tell us about an unusual film you'd reccomend (with some relevence to the course or school in general, but comedy is ok) and give an example of intra- or inter-personal communication in the film you suggest! Thanks! S

Welcome 2 U Comms Students!

Thanks for taking interpersonal comYOUnication with me this semester! Comm 321 will be fun and helpful for the rest of your life as well--yes, it will be tough too, but so is beef jerky...that doesn't make sense, but anyway, for this first blog, please post

1. a way YOU & your friends can respond to our new president's call for change and community action/responsibility

2. your name

3. something unusual about yourself

4. any questions about the syllabus

--Thanks--S

Extra Credit: Listen to or read transcripts from the inauguration speech by President Obama and type a half page single spaced in first person, discussing/analyzing it in an interpersonal context-5pts