"When in stillness, one listens with the heart. The ear is worth ten eyes."
-- Zen Master Dae Gak, "The Practice of Listening" (Active EQ, 2004)
Hi Gang--Great job in class today, I really enjoyed the humor discussion--you guys have thoughtful input! For this weeks blog--we are focused on mindful listening, the ancient symbol in your book from Chinese for listening includes symbols for the eyes, the ears, the mind and the heart! Isn't that a beautiful combination? Who do you know that is a mindful listener? What do they do that makes you feel genuinely "heard?" If you speak a language other than English, how do you say "listen?" What does it mean in your culture to invest in heartfelt listening? Smiles--Sandra
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I am blessed to have several mindful listeners in my life. One of the traits they all share I seeis that they are sloweded down and focused when they are listening. I have found this is a tuff practice but like anything that is good it takes patience and practice. One of the other traits I notice is that they are physically paused and like me practice 30mins of quite meditation in the morning everyday. This is what is helping me in every aspect of my life. The rest of the time i am busy but that 30 mins is helping build a solid foundation of every other event in my life. I try not to make lists in my head when i am doing this but its hard. I ask for help in my quiet time of what my next right action is, and try to pay attention to that in each moment. Michelle P
ReplyDeleteMy mother is the most mindful listener that I know in my life. She looks at you eye to eye and gives you feedback that assures she is listening to everything. I know when I get bored I tend to wander and drift off and find it extremely hard to pay attention. I admire my mothers listening skills becuase I know that I have a difficult time being a mindful listener.
ReplyDeletePaige Miller
I know somone that is a mindful listener. My friend Gunnar, who is somewhat older than me, is a very good mindful listener. When we are speaking face to face, he will make constant eye contact. He will also nod his head and make affirming sounds to show that he is listening to me when I talk. On top of that, he will ask thoughtful questions reflecting the content of my conversation. I know that at times I can be a mindful listener, but at other times I won't be. I will either act like I know what a person is saying or just daydream in my mind and not pay attention to what is being said. I do think though that I have gained more of an appreciation for mindful listening and also think that I'm improving in this area.
ReplyDeleteDaniel McNeil
My grandmother is the most mindful listener I know. When I speak to her, she engages in the conversation by providing her input about how to approach a situation or gives her opinion about the topic we're discussing. And she probes me for further information, proving to be mindful. I try to follow her example in this aspect of life, and I feel it helps to be conscious of where your thoughts/ego are leading you.
ReplyDeleteMy mother and my girlfreind Teri are mindful listeners. I can tell them anything and they understand me completeley. I can give them minimal input or I can be so frustrated that I can't get the wording right and they know exactly what I'm trying to say. When my mother gives her input on my situation, she has a tendency to be a "long-winded" talker. And at the end of our conversation I have a vast understanding of what I should do. My girlfriend Teri, is just very understanding, she gives limited advice but she does respond to things very similar to how I do. What I need to start doing actively, which is what my mother is very good at; is to actively continue to listen to the other person before speaking my thoughts. By letting them finish their statement.
ReplyDeleteMimi L.
Mindful listner? That would definately be my brother. Even if what I'm talking about doesn't interest him in the slightest, he at least stops whatever it is he's doing to focus on the conversation. I've noticed that other people will compliment him on this and he just rolls his eyes like listening is just a second nature to him. In a corny 'feel good' kind of way, I can appreciate having somebody like him who will stop to listen to what I have to say once in a while. It's important to everyone's personal growth to have somebody who will listen and give you feedback on your ideas.
ReplyDeleteCraigC
I would have to say that my mom is a very mindful listener. When I come to her with problems, she immediately drops what she is doing and focuses all of her attention on me and what I have to say. She even turns down the volume of the TV so that she can hear me better. She is also very good about trying to understand how I feel and tries to understand both sides as well. I would say that my sister is a mindful listener, but when she gets really worked up over an issue, she almost refuses to hear the other side...sometimes...But she is still a great person to talk to nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteHeather Ito
My friend William is a good listener. He hasn't always been, but he moved to Oklahoma a few years ago so now our conversations are all over the phone. We had to learn to listen to each other, instead of just hanging around each other. It was a lot harder for us to listen to each other at first because over the phone you can't pick up any non-verbal cues. Now, though I can tell he is listening by the way he responds to what I say.
ReplyDeleteCody Schindler
Listening is a relative term, Does one really have to speak to be heard?
ReplyDeleteIm fluent in American Sign Language. And in communication, words are never spoken but I must listen to understand others I sign to. So I believe listening takes more that ears to do, just like seeing is more than just using your eyes.
As far as heart felt hearing, its more than having the words enter ones ears and hitting the brain, its understanding and being able to put the statement into your own "words" and repeat it back to the original speaker.
I would say that my friend Joe is a mindful listener. Many of my friends would cut me off in a middle of a sentence or gradually drift their attention away from what I was saying, but not this guy (unless it I was trying to talk to him while he's in the middle of watching a basketball game). Nonetheless, Joe maintains a good posture, nods, and encourages me to expand on what I was saying. Even in a noisy restaurant, he managed to listen to me without letting his attention run astray--which is pretty surprising to me because I have a soft voice and he can recall and respond to everything I said afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI notice even though I feel like a mindful listener at times, my nonverbal communication conveys just the opposite. Eye contact has always made me nervous so I would look "behind the person" while talking to them, or let my eyes wander about. I don't pay attention to anything in particular (visually), but I am listening and they do have my undivided attention. Luckily, my eye contact has improved, although I've been told that I look like I'm mad when I maintain eye contact and am not smiling.
I do notice that I (unconsciously??) become a mindful listener when a friend has a serious problem/issue that s/he has to confide in someone.
--Julia K
One of the most mindful listeners in my life is my wife, Corinne. Over the past few years she has taught me a great deal about listening, among other things. :) It doesn't matter if its morning, day or night - anytime, any place she is there to listen.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me feel "heard" by her is her ability to shut out all of the noise around us, whether it'd be physiological, psychological, physical, or semantic. She can zone out the distractions and focus in on you. This is what makes me feel heard by her.
In Spanish, the verb - to listen - is ESCUCHAR. However, in Spanish you conjugate the verb to say I listen (Escucho) and you listen (Escuchas) and s/he lisntens (Escucha).
The Spanish culture is on of the most relaxed cultures about time. We always show up late, eat, leave late, and take more food when we leave! However, just because we arrive late doesn't mean we do not value time and the quality of time. The Mexican people are wiling to go out of their way to help ou their own family, and will listen any time and any place. Although my wife is European, I find that she shares many characterisitcs of the Mexican culture. Maybe thats why I married her:)
Tim Cereceres
My boyfriend, Mark, is a great listener. When he is engaged in conversation with me he is facing me, looking at me, usually making physical contact of some kind, either by holding my hand or touching my hair, anything to help feel connected (Physical touch is one of his love languages).
ReplyDeleteMark has an ability to not only hear what I am saying, but also to hear the things I'm not saying. I am a rather stoic person and it takes some effort to draw things out of me sometimes, but Mark is willing to put that effort into our communication.
Unlike a lot of men, who tend to want to fix things (it's not a criticism, guys, just an observation), Mark is able to understand that there are times when I just need to be heard, however, he is also good at coming up with solutions when I am receptive to them.
Amber Beckton
MY BOYFRIEND IS AN EXCELLENT MINDFUL LISTENER. HE ALWAYS GIVES ME FEED BACK ON THE CONVERSATION THAT IM HAVING WITH HIM.HE ALWAYS ASKS ME QUESTIONS ABOUT DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE CONVERSATION;LIKE HOW SOMETHING MADE ME FEEL;OR DID I LEARN ANYTHING FROM IT. HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SELECTIVE HEARING THING GOING ON. I LIKE TALKING TO HIM BECAUSE HE GIVES YOU TIME TO TALK AND SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BEFORE HE RESPONDS AND ASKS QUESTIONS.U-KYRA
ReplyDeleteI have two friends who I turn to the most when I need help or advice. One of them is my best friend Desirae. We've been friends since the 6th grade. The other is my friend Eric. Though he has a very sarcastic sense of humor, he's a great listener and offers good advice. I'd be lost without both of them. :)
ReplyDeleteThese are thoughtful comments you guys-keep up the great work--we can all become mindful!! Sandra
ReplyDeleteI have a few mindful listeners in my life. My father listens to me mindfully, with his whole heart. I always see the sincerity in his eyes when i talk to him about life's circumstances. He pays attention in close detail to what i say and always has insightful input for me. My younger sister is my number one mindful listener. She is my best friend and i can talk to her about anything. No matter what shes doing, she will stop it to be a great listener for me. When listening she looks me in the eye attentively. She gives me feed back and is always bluntly honest with me. I know that I am very fortunate to have these people in my life.
ReplyDeleteBless McCrary
The most mindful listener I know has to be my boyfriend... he is always there to listen to anything I have to tell him. I think that sometimes he does ignore me but he is a guy. lol. the thing is that when he can tell that Im being really serious and theres something wrong with me he is there for anything. Its weird but he even gives me feed back like noding or asking questions so I can elaborate more. Also why I really like that he does is that he looks at me straight in the eye he doesnt just watch tv and say he is listening he even turns it of to make sure he doesnt miss a single thing.
ReplyDelete-Cristina Jimenez
Good listening depends on listening just for the sake of listening, any ulterior motive will diminish the effectiveness of the listener. A person who has an agenda other than simply to understand what the speaker is thinking and feeling will not be able to pay complete attention while listening. My doctor is a very good listener. She takes her time to listen and never makes me feel rushed. Appointments usually last 15 mins, and she listens for the whole time and never trys ot leave early.
ReplyDeleteAbrar